


Software Error

by Odon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 03:47:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12673773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odon/pseuds/Odon
Summary: What REALLY happened between Seven of Nine and Chakotay.





	Software Error

Title: Software Error

Author: Odon

Fandom: Star Trek Voyager

Pairing: Chakotay/Seven

Rating: NC-17.  Parody.

Summary:  What REALLY happened between Seven of Nine and Chakotay. 

Disclaimer: No profit is intended in the writing of this story.  Star Trek Voyager and all its characters are owned by Paramount Pictures/CBS Network Television, a Viacom/CBS Corporation.

Warning: This story contains coarse language and sex scenes between Seven and Chuckles.  If this offends you...join the club!

Feedback to odon05@hotmail.com.  Archiving is welcome, but please try and contact me first.  Many thanks to Meagan for beta-ing this.

* * *

 

**SOFTWARE ERROR**

Commander Chakotay, his features deadpan with fury, stormed onto Holodeck Two.

"This time she's gone too far!" Voyager's first officer muttered.  Kathryn might enjoy playing mothers and daughters with her, but as far as he was concerned Seven of Nine should have been disassembled long ago for Naomi Wildman to use as a Meccano set.  Apparently that Borg had the impertinence to smooch with a holographic representation of himself!  It was a severe breach of protocol to use holograms of actual crewmembers for one's sexual enjoyment.  But as usual Seven thought Starfleet regulations were for wiping her Borg ass on.

Well two can play at that game!

"Computer," said the Commander to the empty holodeck.  "I want you to create a roll of toilet paper with a copy of the Starfleet Regulations printed on it!  On second thoughts belay that; I've got a better idea.  Create one holographic representation of Seven of Nine for sexual relief purposes.  Authorisation Chakotay Angry Bear."

_"There are currently 140 holograms of Seven of Nine created for the purpose of sexual release,"_ intoned the computer.

Chakotay blinked in surprise.  It looked as if Seven wasn't the only crewmember wiping their behind on Starfleet protocols!  His face took on an evil grin.  "Computer, display the Seven of Nine hologram created by...Ensign Kim!  Authorisation Chakotay Sly Fox."

A tall blonde in a black leather catsuit materialised and cracked a whip at Chakotay, making him jump back ten feet.  "Lick my boots you inefficient human!"

"Computer delete program!" he shouted in panic, and Harry's deviant fantasy vanished.

"Great Spirit!" gasped Chakotay.  "We really need a Ship's Counselor."  A sudden thought struck him out of the ether.  "Computer, does Captain Janeway have her own sexual relief program of Seven?"

_"Correct,"_ answered the computer.

"Well that explains everything!" Chakotay raved, his wooden face struggling to express the outrage he felt.  "That's why I could never get my leg over with her!  All that crap about Starfleet regulations and her fiance and _'I'm the Captain and the ship must come first!'_.  The truth is she's gay!  I bet she never even had a dog either!"

Commander Chakotay was livid over how he'd been made to look a fool.  Every time he'd gone on a spirit quest his ancestors, the Rubber Band People, had castigated him for being bossed around by a white woman.  "The blood of countless native warriors runs in your veins," his father had said.  "Why don't you just scalp her?"  The only thing that had kept Chakotay going was the hope of shaving Janeway's pubic hair instead.  But there was clearly no hope of that now!

_'Well if I can't have her,'_ Chakotay thought wickedly, _'I'll have her squeeze, and I don't mean that damned bartender!'_

"Computer, activate the Emergency Sexual Relief Hologram (Seven of Nine version) of Captain Kathryn Janeway.  Authorisation Chakotay Cunning Bastard!"

Seven of Nine re-appeared in a Japanese school uniform, her hair in two pigtails.  "I've disobeyed another order," she said, pouting with her luscious lips.  "Do you wish to spank me?"

"I want you to 'copulate' with THIS!" said Chakotay, reaching into his pants and pulling out his Angry Warrior of Love (The Terror of Cardassia).  Not even the Obsidian Order's best agent, Seska, had been able to defeat this mighty weapon of the Maquis.  Even when facing imminent destruction by the evil telepathic Botha, all B'Elanna Torres could think about was her long-held fantasy of being pleasured by Chakotay's Hyperspanner of Heaven.

Seven of Nine dropped to her knees before Chakotay's Sector 001, looked it in the eye and said, "Subunit of Commander Chakotay, state your intentions."

"Hey, why are you talking to my Great Totem Pole of the Equator?"

"You are of the male gender, Commander.  I am merely addressing the part of you that makes 99% of your decisions."  The Borg studied his limp penis and raised a metallic eyebrow in critical review.  "In its current state it is inefficient.  It requires accelerated growth in my maturation chamber."  Without further ado she proceeded to suck him off in a highly efficient manner.

"Send a subspace message to Starfleet," Chakotay moaned, paraphrasing Picard.  "I am engaged to a Borg!"  His face was impassive with ecstasy as the love juices built up in his organ, ready to spurt into that sensuous mouth that sucked like a subspace sinkhole.  "Prepare to fire!" he roared, ready to blast Seven all the way back to Borg space.  It had been a long time since he'd last gotten his rocks off!  (Well not that long, but Chakotay had forgotten all about that business with Kellin in 'Unforgettable').

But suddenly the pressure on his groin vanished.  Chakotay opened his eyes to see the Borg wiping her lips and saying, "Computer, deactivate Seven of Nine hologram."

"What are you doing?" Chakotay protested.  "I was just about to come!"

"That is why I desisted," said Seven as she de-materialised.  "I do not require liquid supplement at this time."

 

THE END.


End file.
